I frequently conduct interviews to recruit new employees for my own and clients’s business.
One of the key NLP skills that comes into play during interviews is calibration.
I’ve discussed this critical skill in several other posts because it’s severely undervalued and undertrained.
Now, let’s talk about lying in a purely neurolinguistic context.
While Descartes has separated mind and body — and convinced Western societies of the validity of his model — the truth is that they function quite synchronistically. One cannot move without the other going along with it.
In addition, our experiences have tightly associated physiological phenomena, movements and responses.
Thereby, the act of lying or misleading, unless performed by an expert, causes incongruence. This simply means that lying disaligns the person’s physiology, intonation and message.
Because it’s nearly impossibly for someone to control the millions of micro-movements and stimuli associated to a particular experience, a change in one of the pieces of this complex puzzle throws the entire gestalt into a fit.
For instance, there are certain breathing patterns associated to witnessing car accidents, certain diaphragmal movement tied to skydiving, certain muscular responses associated to hearing and cheering in a concert.
Problem is, there are so many of them that we can’t possibly control them all!
That’s where calibration comes in.
When talking to someone, you need to quickly assess the non-verbal cues associated to alignment.
The way to do this is quite simple.
If you’re talking to Jim, for instance, ask him:
“Is your name Jim?”
Before Jim even responds “Yes”, his body language will have already answered with his non-verbal “Yes”.
Try another obvious question:
“And you were born in Wichita, Kansas?”
Jim will give you another non-verbal “yes”. Make sure you register those cues.
Now, throw Jim a curve ball…
If you know his parents still live together, ask him:
“And your parents are divorced?”
Now, watch his body go into incongruence. Notice his response.
If you know Jim’s an only child, ask:
“Do you have brothers and sisters?”
Again, notice his non-verbal response.
If you feel you’ve figured it out, do a test on painless topic:
“Did you have a hard time finding your way here this morning?”
Pay attention to the response. Try to predict the answer before he actually says it.
If you got it, you’re ready for the hard stuff. If not, go back and calibrate some more until you get it.
Now, go for the hard stuff:
“Are you a big drinker?”
“Ever been involved in illegal activities?”
And so forth and so on.
With a little practice, you’ll be better than a lie detector.
WARNING: DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING! CALIBRATE AND TEST, TEST, TEST,TEST!
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