I have recently started out in the acting game and have done a number of performances where I have been able to immediately relate to the character I was playing. I found this an easy process from the first rehearsal to performance. However I am playing a character now who is a disabled person and a polar opposite to how I am in real life, personality wise as well as physically. Anyway, I get incredibly self conscious sometimes when I am rehearsing. It does not hinder my performance to make it unplayable, as the director has told me I have been doing the part well, however there is still that little snag in my subconscious that is making me wonder if I am actually looking stupid. It does not stop me performing as it goes away when I am speaking, but it creeps up when I am doing some background acting as the character. I feel a spare part when I am not talking. The feeling in my head is like having an itch that you can’t scratch while running a marathon. You are concentrating on your running and it is not putting you off your running, but you know it is still there and is causing discomfort but you just ignore it and get on with it. Well, it’s like that. I can perform but that little snag outside of my conscious thought where I am wondering if I am "actually" getting it right or looking stupid, is causing me to perform at about 80% when I know I can give more if I could just do it without that subconscious thought of how my fellow actors are judging my performance.
If i’m worried about my fellow actors judging my performance i’m going to feel even more anxious whether I am acting stupid or not when I go out and perform in a months time. I was once told by a former teacher during my training in drama school that I am one of the most inconsistent actors she has ever come across. That’s because i’ve felt this subconscious mental fog before in drama school when playing a character that is really far away from who I am but it was much easier then as I knew everyone in my class, so it was totally different to rehearsing in front of actors I hardly know. It’s like the feeling has amplified now I am out on my own.
Anyway, my question is, how can I stop being so self conscious when acting characters I find challenging to play? I’ve never met anyone who seems to have this trouble so I can’t ask any of my acting friends for advice plus they would think I am incapable if I admit to feeling like this and I don’t want to hinder my chances of getting future work. I’m wondering if there are any techniques, or NLP methods or something to make me focus on what I am doing without the fear of wondering how others are judging me while I do it. I just want to feel free when playing challenging roles as I do when I play roles I find easy to play. When I play roles that I find easy, I know I am getting it right so I know I am looking correct. However when playing this role, I just don’t know how I am doing. Also when I audition, even for challenging roles, I never feel an ounce of inhibition or nerves and it was the same when I auditioned for this role, but after getting it, I’ve just found rehearsing to be so difficult due to wondering how others are viewing me. It would be very much appreciated if anyone has any wise words for me, so I no longer wonder how others are perceiving my acting of this character?
Thank You!
Thank you for taking the time to offer your advice. Everything you put, I am already aware of and I tell myself that before a rehearsal. However I still have a mild mental annoyance which I can feel in my head. I am concentrating on the external. Reacting to the external and never switching off. However internally I feel as though I am myself playing a character where as in previous roles I have felt as though I actually AM the character, which has made the process effortless. Is my internal focus wrong for this role do you think? It’s hard to talk about acting so if any working stage actors are reading it would be interesting to hear from you because you will know what I am on about. Thanks!
I bet you got the personality that doesn’t like routine. It’s difficult pinpointing why you feel awkward with certain characters especially when you need to rehearse them over and over but from what you wrote, I couldn’t help think of a few things. One, you can’t please everybody when playing difficult parts, this goes for real life too. Two, you have to learn to feel comfortable when not talking. You simply have this character trait confronting you even under certain circumstances in real life, I wouldn’t be surprised why it emerges during rehearsals of disabled characters. You need to dig deep within yourself, accept that it is there so you can deal with it. Allow me to be blunt, but you can’t always be “the star”. If you can’t handle yourself being once in a while in the background, the question then remains if you deserve “bigger” roles. I would start appreciating the minor things of acting whether it’s on or off stage. Playing parts of disabled people is something admirable and no matter what role you play it remains an art. Here’s where you should step in and make your mark with full confidence ….as an artist! There’s always room for improvement, even yourself as a person. Feeling this type of insecurity has hurt many actors because they allowed it. Indeed stop worrying and take action steps.
