Tip 76 – We are meaning making machines

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 27th, 2009 | No Comments
Some years ago on my first NLP Trainer training I was fortunate enough to have a vivid demonstration of how as human beings we make meaning from everything we interact with.

 The very excellent Peter Freeth sat on the floor and invited us to join him, as he told us about the origins of his family name he gave each of us a pin in blue tack and a small square of paper, 5 cm x 5 cm, creased from corner point to corner point as if an X had been placed in the middle. After a little more chat he asked us to place the center of the X on the tip of the upturned pin (the head buried in a stabilising dollop of blu tack). As we sat there watching some began to twist and spin, we placed our hands either side of the experiment careful not to waft air towards them, to see what if any difference it would make.
 Some continued to spin, others stopped and went the other way.
Our instructions were to make the ‘top’ do something it wasn’t, so if it was moving – to be still, without touching it or blowing on it etc, merely to imagine the top doing what we willed as an image in our minds. We all set to diligently flexing our mental muscles.
Peter left us to ‘mentally’ send the messages to our little spinning tops for a short while, some people reported immediate success others limited success and some no perceivable and then came one of the the best questions for processing I’ve ever heard.
“What do you make of that?”
For some people they guessed it was tiny air currents invisible to our eyes and sensory equipment, for others the interconnectedness of scenario universe, even quantum mechanics, everyone had a different idea of what was going on, none more valid than any other in that context. There was a wide range of ideas, some based on scientific theories others from the paranormal some mysticism and more.
We all had views, made meaning of what was happening before our eyes, we constructed explanations, reasoned with other points of view and decided on a meaning for each of us.
And this really brought home to me just how much meaning can be made and in such variety by different people witnessing the same event. Depending on your own experiences you can make meaning in many ways. For me one of the keys to freedom is to realise when you are making meaning based on your own experiences instead of someone else’s and when you notice you’re using someone elses map of the world to stop and say to yourself,
“What else could this mean?”
What meanings have you made recently that when you really think about them are developed from other peoples maps of the world (ideas) rather than your own experience?
 and how could you see them in a different light?
from your own map of the world?
In more useful ways?

Tip 75 NLP Skills Polishing Language Presuppositions Part 5

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 27th, 2009 | No Comments
Welcome to the fith part of the NLP Skills Polishing Programme; learning to use presuppositions in language with purpose, now that you’ve had a chance to try these out here are some more presupposition types and statements.
I recommend that you follow a process to get these wired in.
Recap:
Presuppositions:
One of the best ways that I have found to learn language patterns is to each and every day take one pattern and write out examples of that pattern for a current theme that is important to you in your “real life.” In this way, their use can become unconscious and automatic. I have heard that Richard Bandler required his NLP Practitioner students to write out 100 examples of each of these patterns. You may want to do that also.

By using presuppositions, we are able to make a statement and have basic assumptions contained in that statement accepted, unconsciously, as being true.

The real “power” of using presuppositions comes from using 3, 4 or more of them together. Of course, to be able to chain many presuppositions together means that we must first learn to use each one of them individually and then move on to grouping them together. It has been said that when 3 presuppositions are used in a row that it is impossible not to accept the embedded presuppositions/assumptions.

Selection Restriction − If my professor gets pregnant, I’ll be very happy. (Restricted to being a professor with the subgroup female) (Presupposes my professor is a woman.)

Questions − By asking a question we presuppose what is asked in a question. Have you taken my NLP book? (Presupposes someone has taken my book.)

Negative Questions − Isn’t Leading Edge Communications not the top management consultant company in Calgary? (Presupposes that Leading Edge Communications is a top management company.)

Rhetorical Questions − Asking a question which does not require an answer. Who care about that. (Presupposes no one cares about that subject.)

Spurious Not − I wonder if you are not already more confident than most? (Presupposes you are already confident.)

Proper Names − Using proper names which presuppose the existence of that person.

Pronouns − Using pronouns which presuppose the existence of a male, female or inanimate object.

Definite Descriptions − I liked the man with the red Honda. (Presupposes that a man and a red Honda both exist).

Change of Place Verbs − (COME, GO, LEAVE, ARRIVE, DEPART, ENTER) (Presupposes something moved)


Many of these presupposing statements can be noticed naturally occurring in your day to day language, how will you use them with purpose? and to what end?

Tip 74 NLP Skills Polishing Language Presuppositions Part 4

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 27th, 2009 | No Comments
Welcome to the fourth part of the NLP Skills Polishing Programme learning to use presuppositions in language with purpose, I will continue to use the same themes as before to show you how to build in presuppositions and gain more understanding of how this might be useful to you and for you.
Recap:
Presuppositions:
One of the best ways that I have found to learn language patterns is to each and every day take one pattern and write out examples of that pattern for a current theme that is important to you in your “real life.” In this way, their use can become unconscious and automatic. I have heard that Richard Bandler required his NLP Practitioner students to write out 100 examples of each of these patterns. You may want to do that also.

By using presuppositions, we are able to make a statement and have basic assumptions contained in that statement accepted, unconsciously, as being true.

The real “power” of using presuppositions comes from using 3, 4 or more of them together. Of course, to be able to chain many presuppositions together means that we must first learn to use each one of them individually and then move on to grouping them together. It has been said that when 3 presuppositions are used in a row that it is impossible not to accept the embedded presuppositions/assumptions.
The themes that I will use in demonstrating each pattern, as we work through these exercises are:

1. “To be an excellent communicator you will need to learn the importance and use of non−verbal communication.”

Here I will presuppose that in order to be a good communicator you must know how to use the 93% of communication that is non−verbal and “Creating and maintaining rapport is critical to building or enhancing a relationship.”

2. Here I will presuppose that ” Getting and maintaining rapport is crucial to building a relationship.”

Pick one, two or more themes for yourself to use throughout the week or if you wish pick a different theme(s) for each language pattern − your choice.
Day 1 Practice using Change of State Verbs − (CHANGE, TRANSFORM, TURN INTO, BECOME)
Theme number 1:
It’s a well know fact that to transform your communication ability we need to learn and use non−verbal communication skills.
Theme number 2:
Even some of TV’s talk show hosts are beginning to know that creating and maintaining rapport is a critical factor in relationships.

For today practice using change of state verbs with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 2 Practice using Factive Verbs and Adjectives − (ODD, AWARE, KNOW, REALIZE, REGRET, BELIEVE, PLEASED)
Theme number 1:
Are you aware that to be an excellent communicator it is important to know and use non−verbal communication skills.
Theme number 2:
Most people are not aware that creating and maintaining rapport is critical for relationship building.

For today practice using factive verbs and adjectives with your theme(s). Write out at least 5
examples for each theme(s).

Day 3 Practice using Commentary Adjectives and Adverbs − (LUCKY, FORTUNATELY, FAR OUT, OUT OF SIGHT, GROOVY, HAPPILY, NECESSARILY, REMARKABLE, INNOCENTLY)
Theme number 1:
Lucky for me, I learned early that non−verbal communication skills are vital for an excellent communicator.
Theme number 2:
It is remarkable how creating and maintaining rapport improves relationships in just minutes.

For today practice using commentary adjectives and adverbs with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 4 Practice using Counter factual Conditional Clauses − (Verbs having subjective tense)

Theme number 1:
If John hadn’t learned non−verbal communication skills, he would not have become the excellent communicator that he is.
Theme number 2:
If Carol had known that creating and maintaining rapport was so critical to relationships she could have taken the training necessary.

For today practice using counter factual conditional clauses with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 5 Practice using Contrary to Expectation − (SHOULD)

Theme number 1:
Should you not know how important non−verbal communication skills are, call me to get the next seminar date.


Theme number 2:
Should you not be totally happy with your relationships, learn about creating and maintaining rapport will be important for you to learn.

For today practice using contrary to expectation with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).


 How many of these presupposing statements can you notice naturally occurring in your day to day language?

Tip 73 NLP Skills Polishing Language Presuppositions Part 3

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 27th, 2009 | No Comments
Welcome to the third part of the NLP Skills Polishing Programme dealing with presuppositions in language, I will continue to use the same themes as last week to show you how to build in presuppositions and gain more understanding of how this might be useful to you and for you.
Recap:
Presuppositions:
One of the best ways that I have found to learn language patterns is to each and every day take one pattern and write out examples of that pattern for a current theme that is important to you in your “real life.” In this way, their use can become unconscious and automatic. I have heard that Richard Bandler required his NLP Practitioner students to write out 100 examples of each of these patterns. You may want to do that also.

By using presuppositions, we are able to make a statement and have basic assumptions contained in that statement accepted, unconsciously, as being true.

The real “power” of using presuppositions comes from using 3, 4 or more of them together. Of course, to be able to chain many presuppositions together means that we must first learn to use each one of them individually and then move on to grouping them together. It has been said that when 3 presuppositions are used in a row that it is impossible not to accept the embedded presuppositions/assumptions.
The themes that I will use in demonstrating each pattern, as we work through these exercises are:

1. “To be an excellent communicator you will need to learn the importance and use of non−verbal communication.”

Here I will presuppose that in order to be a good communicator you must know how to use the 93% of communication that is non−verbal and “Creating and maintaining rapport is critical to building or enhancing a relationship.”

2. Here I will presuppose that ” Getting and maintaining rapport is crucial to building a relationship.”

Pick one, two or more themes for yourself to use throughout the week or if you wish pick a different theme(s) for each language pattern − your choice.
Day 1 Practice using Comparative − (AS……..AS) For example: What else gets as many results as NLP does? (Presupposes that NLP get results.)
Theme number 1:
What is as effective in improving your total communications as learning and using non−verbal communication skills?

Theme number 2:
Nothing is as important as creating and maintaining rapport in building relationships.

For today practice using the comparative as − as with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 2 Practice using Repetitive Cue Words − (TOO, ALSO, EITHER, AGAIN, BACK)
Theme number 1:
You too can be an excellent communicator by learning and using non−verbal communication skills.
Theme number 2:
Either we learn how to create and maintain rapport or our relationships will suffer.

For today practice using repetitive cue words with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 3 Practice using Repetitive Verbs and Adverbs − (Verbs and adverbs beginning with “re” for example REPEATEDLY, RETURN, RESTORE, REPLACE, RENEW)
Theme number 1:
Repeatedly practicing non−verbal communication skills will cause quantum improvements to your communication results.

Theme number 2:
One thing we know is we can renew our relationships by creating and maintaining rapport.

For today practice using repetitive verbs and adverbs with your theme(s). Write out at least 5
examples for each theme(s).

Day 4 Practice using Quantifiers − (ONLY, EVEN, EXCEPT, JUST)

Theme number 1:
The only way we may become excellent communicators is to lean to use non−verbal communication skills effectively.
Theme number 2:
Except for rapport it is difficult to create and maintain good relationships.

For today practice using quantifiers with your theme(s).  Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 5 Practice using Change of Time Verbs and Adverbs − (BEGIN, END, STOP, START, CONTINUE, PROCEED, ALREADY, YET, STILL, ANYMORE)
Theme number 1:
Someone once said to my friend John, “Stop being mediocre; learn and use non−verbal communication .”

Theme number 2:
Have you discovered that creating and maintaining rapport is critical to a relationship, yet?
For today practice using change of time verbs and adverbs with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).


 How much of these presupposing statements can you notice naturally occurring in your day to day language?

Tip 72 NLP Skills Polishing, Polishing Language Presuppositions Part 2

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 27th, 2009 | No Comments
Welcome to the second part of the NLP Skills Polishing Programme, I will continue to use the ‘themes’ as last week to show you how to build in presuppositions and gain more understanding of how this might be useful to you and for you.
Recap:
Presuppositions:
One of the best ways that I have found to learn language patterns is to each and every day take one pattern and write out examples of that pattern for a current theme that is important to you in your “real life.” In this way, their use can become unconscious and automatic. I have heard that Richard Bandler required his NLP Practitioner students to write out 100 examples of each of these patterns. You may want to do that also.

By using presuppositions, we are able to make a statement and have basic assumptions contained in that statement accepted, unconsciously, as being true.

The real “power” of using presuppositions comes from using 3, 4 or more of them together. Of course, to be able to chain many presuppositions together means that we must first learn to use each one of them individually and then move on to grouping them together. It has been said that when 3 presuppositions are used in a row that it is impossible not to accept the embedded presuppositions/assumptions.

The themes that I will use in demonstrating each pattern, as we work through these exercises are:
1. “To be an excellent communicator you will need to learn the importance and use of non−verbal communication.”

Here I will presuppose that in order to be a good communicator you must know how to use the 93% of communication that is non−verbal and “Creating and maintaining rapport is critical to building or enhancing a relationship.”

2. Here I will presuppose that ” Getting and maintaining rapport is crucial to building a relationship.”

Pick one, two or more themes for yourself to use throughout the week or if you wish pick a different theme(s) for each language pattern − your choice.

Day 1 Practice using Pseudo Cleft Sentences − Identified by the form of “What [sentence] is [sentence]“.
Theme number 1:

What we know about non−verbal communication is it is the key to being an excellent communicator.

Theme number 2:
What knowledgeable psychologists tell us about relationships is creating and maintaining rapport is critical.
For today practice using pseudo cleft sentences with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 2 Practice using Stressed Sentences − (Voice stress) such as: I am especially interested in the OUTSTANDING results that NLP has gotten.

Theme number 1:
Learning non−verbal communication skills will make a FANTASTIC improvement in your communication skills.
Theme number 2:
Creating and maintaining rapport is the only way to have WONDERFUL relationships.

For today practice using stress sentences with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 3 Practice using Complex Adjectives − (NEW, OLD, FORMER, PRESENT, PREVIOUS)

Theme number 1:
Enhance your previous communication skills by learning how to use non−verbal communication skills.
Theme number 2:
Improve your present and future relationships by learning how to create and maintain rapport.

For today practice using complex adjectives with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 4 Practice using Ordinal Numerals − (FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, ANOTHER, NEXT)

Theme number 1:
First, your improve your non−verbal communication skills and then you watch your communication results soar.
Theme number 2:
The first change to make to improve your relationships is to learn to create and maintain rapport.

For today practice using ordinal numbers with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 5 Practice using Comparatives − (Words ending with ER, MORE, LESS)

Theme number 1:
More people improve their total communication by learning non−verbal communication skills than by any other method.
Theme number 2:
Better relationships are developed by creating and maintaining rapport.

For today practice using comparatives with your theme(s).  Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).


Looking forward, where might what you’ve discovered here be useful?

Brains are Archival

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Aug 7th, 2009 | No Comments
I was reading The Lord of the rings the other week and I realised just how amazing the human mind is – again!

Why?  because my mind had seamlessly collected all of the voices from the films that I’ve seen since reading the books many years ago and transplanted them over the words I was reading.  Let me explain, maybe you’ve experienced something similar, have you ever read a book that has then been turned into a film?

Did the characters sound as you’d imagined them?
Were their accents ‘right’?
When ever I read Aragon’s dialogue I hear  Viggo Mortensen’s voice, my brain has associated the two things together, built a model of how ‘Aragon’ sounds which now get’s applied whenever (Generalised) the character pops up. This is true for all of the other characters in the story also.
Of course I was not aware consciously that I had updated (generalised) the vocal qualities within the book until I re-read/re -visited it.
You may already be aware of the archival nature of your own mind, how it stacks learning/discovery on top of each other, modifies and enriches your experience automatically.
Human beings are learning machines.

Learning in this context is not the education system. Think about it now, you make decisions every day based on what you know now, tomorrow you’ll have the opportunity to do something the same or differently (it will be now then too!)and both of these options contain a learning process.  Keep things the same and you learn how to keep things the same, do something different and you may learn an entirely new approach that serves you well into the future.
One of the great things is that you will learn either way.  You’ll reinforce a belief or bust one. You may not even know exactly which until you do it.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got and for some people that’s exactly what they want, for others this seems like a sign to make some changes.
What would you change if anything?
Enjoy
Andy

Advert Free NLP Tips 71 – NLP Skills Polishing; Language Presuppositions Part 1

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jul 28th, 2009 | No Comments
Pressupositions:
One of the best ways that I have found to learn language patterns is to each and every day take one pattern and write out examples of that pattern for a current theme that is important to you in your “real life.” In this way, their use can become unconscious and automatic. I have heard that Richard Bandler required his NLP Practitioner students to write out 100 examples of each of these patterns. You may want to do that also.

By using presuppositions, we are able to make a statement and have basic assumptions contained in that statement accepted, unconsciously, as being true.

The real “power” of using presuppositions comes from using 3, 4 or more of them together. Of course, to be able to chain many presuppositions together means that we must first learn to use each one of them individually and then move on to grouping them together. It has been said that when 3 presuppositions are used in a row that it is impossible not to accept the embedded presuppositions/assumptions.

The themes that I will use in demonstrating each pattern, as we work through these exercises are:
1. “To be an excellent communicator you will need to learn the importance and use of non−verbal communication.”

Here I will presuppose that in order to be a good communicator you must know how to use the 93% of communication that is non−verbal and “Creating and maintaining rapport is critical to building or enhancing a relationship.”

2. Here I will presuppose that ” Getting and maintaining rapport is crucial to building a relationship.”

Pick one, two or more themes for yourself to use throughout the week or if you wish pick a different theme(s) for each language pattern − your choice.

Day 1 Practice using “Some Quantifiers” − (ALL, EACH, EVERY, SOME, FEW, MANY, NONE)

In my case I’ll take the theme number 1: “To be an excellent communicator you will need to learn the importance and use of non−verbal communication.” and write an example:
“Everyone I know who is really excellent at communicating has mastered the use of non−verbal communication.”

Now I’ll take the theme number 2:
“Creating and maintaining rapport is critical to building or enhancing a relationship.”
Here I will presuppose that getting and maintaining rapport is crucial to building a relationship and write an example for this pattern:
“Few people really understand that creating and maintaining rapport is so critical to building relationships.”

For today practice using some quantifiers with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 2 Practice using Generic Noun Phrases − (Noun arguments standing for a whole class)
Theme number 1: “The world’s greatest communicators all have learned that to be a great communicator one has to learn and use non−verbal communication.”

Theme number 2: “Psychologists tell us that the ability to create rapport is the very foundation of creating a good relationship.”
For today practice using generic noun phrases with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 3 Practice using Relative Clauses − (Complex noun arguments, statements that have a noun followed by a phrase beginning with WHO, WHICH, or THAT)
Theme number 1: “All of the experts who have spoken to me have talked about the importance of understanding and using non−verbal communication.”
Theme number 2: “Good relationships are ones which are built on rapport.”
For today practice using relative clauses with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 4 Practice using Subordinate Clause of Time − (BEFORE, AFTER, DURING, AS, SINCE, PRIOR, WHILE, YET, NOW, AGAIN)
Theme number 1: “Before you can communicate like an expert, you will have to learn non−verbal communication skills.”

Theme number 2: “After you have build a relationship by creating and maintaining rapport, you will know why it’s so important.”
For today practice using subordinate clause of time with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).

Day 5 Practice using Cleft Sentences − (Sentences starting with IT IS or IT WAS)
Theme number 1: “It is knowing how to use non−verbal communication that made Richard Bandler one of the great communicators.”

Theme number 2: “It was our ability to create and maintain rapport that made our relationship outstanding.”

For today practice using cleft sentences quantifiers with your theme(s). Write out at least 5 examples for each theme(s).
Looking forward, where might what you’ve discovered here be useful?
Enjoy

Andy

NLP tip 70 From here to there . . . . .

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jul 19th, 2009 | No Comments
When something happens that takes you off course it can be an exciting time, lots of new discoveries can be made, even the realisation that you’re actually on track in a more real way than you were is possible. And when we are talking about large scale life goals or outcomes that can often be the case.
Plans are only accurate when you make them, the map is not the territory.
Orienteering brings this message home brilliantly, you may have the best maps, but the track on the map from A to B is not the territory, it doesn’t have the trees, the grass or the wildlife in it. It’s an approximation and it’s usefulness is decided upon once you’re actually there.
Is it useful?
How so?
In what way is it useful? Until that point it’s just a guess.
Don’t get me wrong, plans, goals and outcomes are important especially when you are taking control of your life and becoming the driver of the bus.
Without direction, effort, attention and determination to modify a behaviour it just will not happen.
And I think that these points are the ones that get missed most often.  Yes NLP works fast and remember, any patterns of behaviour that you have and want to change have been practiced and applied for some time.
As you become aware of them you might decide to make a change, and the fact that you’ve just become aware of it means that it is a well rehearsed and practiced behaviour, otherwise you’d have spotted it sooner, right?
Remember to keep a sense of humour about it, when you realise you’ve gone back to the old behaviour have a smile, think of something silly that makes you feel good and as you consciously apply effort to your new outcome double the size of that good feeling until it’s a great feeling, then take action immediately with that great feeling and apply the new way of doing it.
You may have seen Ships in harbours, large and impressive resting gently on the rising tides.  But ships are not designed to sit in a harbour, they’re designed to be out there cutting a path to it’s destination, travelling around gathering new information, learning new things along the way. They’re designed to be free of moorings and shackles and that can sometimes feel a little scary, but these things are designed to deal with stormy situations, they’re much tougher than you think.
Enjoy
Andy

NLP Tip 69 “I’ll never forget wassisname”

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jun 29th, 2009 | No Comments

If you are one of those people who says to themselves ”Ooo, now, what did he / she say their name was?” then this tip is for you. If not feel very good about already having a way of remembering names excellently and gallantly read on !

As with any strategy for some people this works first time and for others some repetition is required, personally I’m still using it,
1. because it works and
2. because its fun to do while noticing how much better at it you’re getting.
It’s these tiny applications of NLP know how that excite me, discovering ways to use your own brain to help you achieve more and feel great about it.

Here is a strategy you can use to remember peoples’ names more effectively, try it out, modify it and find out what works best for you.  I’ll use a training room / networking event as an example but you can look forward to thinking about how the ideas here might be useful in other ways.
When you meet the person smile and let them open; “Hi I’m Andy, how are you?” Repeat their name back to them “Hi Andy, I’m fantastic thanks, I’m (  )” or if you open, put out your hand and say “Hi, I’m (   ), how are you?” “I’m Andy, great thanks, and you (  )?”
 As you repeat their name back to them imagine their name printed on their forehead, I like to imagine it in bright neon.
Throughout the conversation use their name when possible; “So Andy, who else do you know here?” ;-) “What brings you here Andy?” “What first sparked your interest in NLP Andy?”

You get the idea, don’t you? “I know what you’re saying  Andy, I had something similar”.
These are just examples use what feels right to you, the important part is to say their name and help speed up memory.

This multi sensory (internal Visual – sign, Auditory – saying the name, Kinesthetic -handshake) encoding works very well in improving memory / associations.  By repeating the name at the same time in your mind and shaking hands you are combining Internal Dialogue with Kinesthetic, associating the two ’sensory experiences’ together. So, when your mind searches for their name there will be more associations for ‘it’ to make.  Which means you’re more likely to remember them and who they are. Of course there are places where you don’t shake hands.  For me internal Visual - sign and Auditory – saying the name,  along with using their name at least three times in opening conversation works very well also. Your own mileage with this may vary, I hope only to have given you some ideas and remember;
There is no failure only feedback & practice makes permanent.
Enjoy

Verdana; font-size: small;”>Andy

Attitude is a state of mind

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jun 17th, 2009 | No Comments

News Flash:

“Top Performers all over the world study released.

97% of top performers are unreasonably optimistic”

Have you ever wanted to have a conversation with someone you don’t know who sounds really dull No? – me neither, you’re the voice of the company so make it a good one.

Ever had the experience of loosing your car keys? Remember how you were saying to yourself “I cant find my car keys, I cant remember where I put them, oh this is silly where did I put them.”? What tonality are you using in that situation, think about it now.

Internal Dialogue is the name given to the voice we all talk to ourselves in. Recognising how your own internal dialogue sounds may be the most important step in giving yourself the freedom to feel great/energised/busy/calm/relaxed (you choose) whenever you want.

Do this now.

Imagine looking in the mirror saying to yourself “hey there” in the voice of someone who sounds really sexy.

Now imagine a grumpy voice saying “hey there”, feels different doesn’t it.

The more you say things to yourself with energised confident tones the more energised and confident you will feel. Internal dialogue can be the starting point for how we feel from day to day and minute to minute, and is the beginning of behaviour patterns, these may improve your communication skills or ability to deal with unusual situations. At first it can feel a little unusual and that’s ok, it’s just new.

Learning how to consciously adjust your internal dialogue tonality is an easy skill to master, some people are able to do it straight away and others take a little practice before becoming really confident.

As an exercise choose something that you know would usually give yourself a hard time about, people choose work situations, arguments, personal sabotage such as I’m too fat/thin, short/tall, just damn ugly.

Now imagine Mickey Mouse saying those exact same things.

Or

How would you sound on helium saying those things?

It just doesn’t work the same does it?

As you’ve probably already realised one of the ways to keep a productive state is to pay attention to the tone of your own internal dialogue.

How do you sound when you’re unreasonably optimistic?

Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 67 What is an anchor and what is it for, specifically?

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jun 9th, 2009 | No Comments
Many people who have had some NLP training will understand what an anchor is but do they really understand what it’s for?
Anchoring is literally the association of stimuli, in practitioner trainings and in fact on many NLP training events anchoring is taught by building a state, usually an intense feeling of joy, pleasure or confidence and then anchoring it to a touch, often the thumb and forefinger are used, squeezed together. with a little repetition people can ‘fix’ that anchor in place so that if a situation arises in the future where they would like to feel confidence they can simply squeeze those digits together and have the emotional response of confidence. How cool is that? But don’t just take my word for it, you can try this out for yourself now.
take a few moments to do this,
Imagine or pretend you are focused and motivated,
How do you stand?
How do you breath?
What is your posture – exactly ?
What kind of things are you saying to yourself and how?
What kind of things are you saying and with whom?
Really take a moment to connect with this feeling of focused motivation, take a deep breath and double the size of the feeling and squeeze those digits.
Do this three times intensifying the level of motivation and focus each time.
Now go and ‘break state’, you can do this by getting up and walking around, finding something else to concentrate on for a few minutes or even just asking yourself a question like, “How would my dog sound barking the national anthem?” you’ll notice your state changes. . . .  .
Squeeze those digits together and notice what happens. As the feeling returns feel free to double it.
This is known in NLP terms as a kinesthetic anchor, connecting a physiological/emotional response to a touch.
Here’s the part that often gets missed, Anything can be anchored and in any system. Do you know anyone who has one of ‘those’ looks, stops you in your tracks right? That is an anchor, an association of stimuli “They look that way – I feel this way ” and these associations are working to keep you safe in many ways but sometimes stand in the way of true potential.
Learning to spot your own triggers of behavior is possibly the best way of becoming a better parent, teacher, manager, wife, husband, partner, brother, colleague as you can stop running on automatic pilot, you can learn to take control of those ‘automatic’ programs and turn them into more useful events.
If you feel differently in a situation you’ll act differently and if you act differently you will get different results. Combine this with great goal setting and you’ll achieve more of what you want.
Now, some of you will know that NLP has a very powerful tool known as collapsing anchors, imagine you have situation that has a powerful emotional charge attached to it that you perceive as limiting you in some way until now. For this exercise you will need, a human neurology and two points to anchor states to, lets use opposite hands for this exercise, although you can use two of anything (knee’s, shoulders, anything that you have 2 of on opposite sides of the body) when working with someone else. Use the above process to build and anchor the states on opposite thumbs and fingers
Decide what state/emotion you would like to have and anchor it thumb and finger left hand,
Decide what state/emotion you would like to collapse and anchor it thumb and finger right hand,
Once you confirm both anchors are working and producing the emotion responses, take a deep breath in and out relax and squeeze both anchors at the same time and find out what happens.
How does the situation seem different now?
What can you do today that will reinforce how you feel differently?
What can you do over the next week that will challenge and encourage you to find out how different that bright new future can be?
Consider all external stimulus as anchors, what voice tone, look or idea would it be useful for you to experience more freedom around?
Enjoy
Andy

NLP Tip 66 Using metaprograms, what be they and why?

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jun 2nd, 2009 | No Comments
Metaprograms are useful to become aware of in conversation and these programs are context dependent and it’s worth keeping that in mind as some people have fallen into the trap of classifying and generalising their approach, “They’re a towards” gives you one approach but be aware that these programs are in a constant state of updating. We cannot not learn unconsciously or consciously and so you must remain flexible and keep calibrating, it’s like Ferris Bueller said “Life moves pretty fast – If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it!”
Life is a constant of change even if it sometimes doesn’t seem that so and one of the ways people hold problems or themselves from achieving is by the “Same shit different day” way of thinking. You may work in the same place geographically but as a student of life and having had many different jobs and roles in life you inherently know that every day is new, no two are the same and you hold the keys to unlocking your potential for that day, this hour, this minute. I’ve heard it said “It’s never too late to start your day over”, and when it comes to metaprograms and other unconscious processes these are in a constant state of updating depending of context, information, group dynamics, to name a few influences.
Think of these things as useful ideas if you notice someone talking in the ways that follow and realise that they can change in an instant. There is no right or wrong way to do this, you don’t need to change a towards into an away from, consider these ways of thinking that can help you utilise the natural processing of an individual of group to help them achieve their goals.
Here are some metaprograms, more to follow over the next week or so.
Motivation direction,
Towards. I want to be healthier so I can enjoy life more
“So, what things will you do when you are enjoying life even more, who’s with you and where are you enjoying this ?”
This statement invites the person to build a more compelling future by building the internal representation to move towards.
Away from. I don’t want to be unhealthy because that would mean allsorts of problems
“Well, you’re going to have to start with that real soon or it’ll be too late for you to do anything about it”
Using this statement at first can seem a little harsh but experience shows that with rapport and a genuine desire to be of help this focuses the person on doing something about the current situation as soon as possible, who likes to be late?
Modal Operators,
Possibility. I can learn to make it happen
“When you’ve learnt how to make it happen what else could you do?
Possibility statements include words like could, can, couldn’t or cant so use them back whenever you remember to.
Necessity. I have to walk the dogs
“It must be nice to have to exercise yourself and I’m curious, what do you get out of it? fresh air? time to think? a good walk?”
OK OK I’m being a bit sneaky here, by using modal operators of necessity here and combining possible other options I’m kind of introducing the possibility that there may be more to the walk that first thought. It’s not so much me trying to change them, it’s more about introducing options, possibilities if you will. Ever had the experience of having to do some thing? the feeling of must can get in the way. Whereas if there are a bunch of reasons to get something done anything is possible. Make sense?
What are some of the things you know you have to do?
Go to work?
Tax the car?
Choose something you have to do…..
Consider this;
How would it be if you choose to go to work because you enjoy the money you earn, because you get paid holidays, because of social interaction, because of the team, because it’s fun?(even if not all the time)
You choose to tax the car so you can go anywhere you like, any time you like, you can collect your wife,husband, partner, kids  up after their classes, you can get to your classes, you can do the weekly shop whenever you please.
With something you have to do, begin with “I choose to X because / so I can / Y” choose as many things as you can find that are advantages of the have to and write them down then repeat the sentence “I choose to because ,             ,            ,”
How does it seem different?
It can be said that NLP is the art of introducing choice at the unconscious level, this introduction of choice can take a variety of forms, become curious about your choices.
Until next week
Enjoy
Andy

NLP Tip 65 Pattern Interrupts

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on May 27th, 2009 | No Comments

” When they do the behaviour you don’t want them to do, snap em out of it and lead them somewhere else ” Cesar Milan – The Dog Whisperer.

If you’ve ever had the experience of someone reaching out for a handshake and as you reach out they swiftly remove their hand and pull a face you will know how annoying, frustrating or rude it seems. This is because the total behaviour pattern hasn’t run so you’re unconscious kinda skips a beat often leaving you feeling a little vexed.
In NLP trainings many practitioners have had the experience of a handshake interrupt/hypnotic induction, this takes advantage of the body’s pre wired program of a hand shake –
1. Extend hand
2. Clasp
3. Shake
4. Release
5. Return hand
This is all classed unconsciously as one pattern of behaviour, both parties know the routine and follow the pattern.
With the handshake interrupt as you reach out you take the other person by the wrist, lift and turn their palm towards their face (smoothly and gently) point to their palm and say “Watch the changing focus of your eyes as you take a deep breath in …. and close your eyes and relax,now   . . .. . .”  and then begin a full hypnotic induction.
As I mentioned before this takes advantage of interrupting a ‘complete pattern of behavior and opens a hypnotic induction, or can move someone to a more useful way of thinking or being.
The key here is to have a useful direction ready to take the person in and to try it out and find out what happens.

These patterns do not need to be physical, our thought patterns are just as suggestible and can include conversations, problem states in fact anywhere when you notice a pattern emerging.
This week I have been working with kids in a pupil referral unit, they have all been excluded from schools for various behaviour issues.

Something I noticed fairly quickly while working with the kids is that patterns at in use as they have triggers for their behaviours and the response from the Teachers and TA’s is uniform and repeated, i.e complete patterns of behaviour.
If all behaviour is patterned and their behaviour and responses have become patterns what happens if the expected outcome doesn’t occur, could a linguistic pattern interrupt work with such extreme ranges of emotion?
I thought I’d find out.
The pattern always seemed to follow the same steps:
1. Kid ‘Acts up’ and looks to see if Teacher has noticed
2. Teacher names the child in a particular tone
3. Request to “calm down”
4. Escalation of the disruptive/destructive behaviour.
5. Physical restraint to prevent injury to self or others
I thought I’d try something different, so this is what I did, as one lad I noticed a pattern with was about to launch.
I looked at him squarely, caught his eye and said,
“The farmers gate is too big to go over or break down.  You have to go under,  now……. tell me, what is the matter”
He looked quizzically and said
“Err…What?…”
I replied
“What’s the matter?” and he began to tell me about how he was feeling upset about a bunch of things and we talked it out.
How did I choose that sentence?
I thought about it for a few hours before I used it, I even practiced it out loud to get used to saying the words on my trip over to the unit that morning.
I didn’t want to use words like problem or things that would immediately connect him with more anger, so a farmers gate seemed like a useful ‘image’ to stop the mental process, I thought that his previous experiences with being physically restrained might connect with the ” to big to go over or break down” on some level and by offering a metaphorical “under”  I hoped he would follow my instruction to “tell me . . . . What is the matter”
I knew as long as I tried with an open mind something else would happen even if it was a delay to the escalation of behaviour it would have been different, in some way.
As it is it worked excellently, and may work in a variety of other situations to stop a conditioned response.  It is possible any random statement could be used as a pattern interrupt, I preferred to have a think about what and when I was going to use this one in particular.
What could you learn from this tip that would be applicable in your life this week?
Enjoy
Andy

Free NLP Tip 64 Presupposing success

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Apr 28th, 2009 | No Comments

Using presupposition with purpose

What is a presupposition and how is it useful?
Presuppositions imply certain things, pre supposing outcomes or ideas, one way of thinking about them is to consider what must be true in order for the statement to makes sense. These are a natural part of language which when used with purpose can greatly accelerate your ability to influence the people around you. Often we understand that if we are coaching or mentoring someone that being clear on our outcome is and important part of getting great results and it is also worth thinking about where in our day to day lives you can use the skill of presupposition with purpose. All communication is purposeful so as a skilled communicator you can appreciate the importance of defining purposes in every interaction.
The following questions, ideas etc are primarily designed for you to use in coaching situations but, as you read through you may begin to appreciate the power of purposeful presuppositions in all areas of life.

Question generation through presupposition

What do I want to achieve?

What information do I want?

What questions can I ask that will provide that information?

What is presupposed in the questions?

Advanced presuppositions in language

Sorting / Processing
Difference            How has it changed, What is new, How’s it                     different

Same                What is this like, How is X like Y, What does this                 have in common with that

Time
Past                Yesterday, Did, Had, Done, Since, Before

Present            Today, Have, Now, Here

Future                Tomorrow, Shall, Might, Will, Going to, Consider

Spatial
Location            This/That  Here/There

Functional relationships    Above/Below  In/Out  On/Off

Measurement quantifiers    More/Less  Some/Few  All/Nothing

Tips for coaching / influence and motivation

1. Have  a goal in mind

2. Start before you start

3. Be in rapport

4. Use  a gentle tone of voice as you enquire

5. Use softeners
“I wonder if…..”
“Can you tell me….”
“I’m curious to know…..”
“I’d like to ask you….”

6.  From time to time repeat back their words – they must be exact – their exact words.

7.  Use time effectively, sometimes the best information comes after a long pause.

8.  Use time and space language to build in future convincers

9.  Review changes in past tense “When we began you thought X now you think Y ?”

10. Set future outcomes in future tense “Where and when might his be useful? “Can you see where this could be useful?”

Consider something you’d like to feel more freedom over.

How is it different when this problem becomes that problem?

For fun you could now go through the first few paragraphs and see how many presuppositions you can identify. What might I have been presupposing about you and these ideas?

NLP Tip 63 Take Action

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Apr 20th, 2009 | No Comments

“In times of change the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists” Eric Hoffer

Now more than ever this statement becomes true, many people are right now experiencing change at a rate that seems dictated from outside and on one level that is true, but on another we are constantly in a state of change and learning and development. Every day we are faced with choices, some the same as yesterday others are different but the choices however remain.  These choices can sometimes feel like a lack of choice and when that occurs we need to look at, re set and re define our goals. As human beings we always have a goal in mind even if it is outside of conscious awareness. One of the NLP presuppositions is “Every behaviour has a positive intention” and many times I’ve heard people say “but the outcome isn’t positive, I don’t feel happy when I do xyz” and this got me thinking that maybe  the statement  ”Every behaviour is purposeful”  might be a more useful way of considering this. As human beings everything we do is purposeful and provides us with something. Maybe that something is as simple as still being here to read this and feel good about it.  What the presupposition does do is make clear that you can choose your purpose, your direction. And while many people get the fact that having a purpose in mind is useful, often that is as far as they go. In reality it is action that brings things into being.
I heard the amazing Zig Ziglar talking about the importance of setting goals and taking action and he said, “without action any goal is 100% less likely to be achieved. You have to take the first step otherwise the second step will never happen”, he askes the question “Are you a wandering generality or a meaningful specific?” which makes sense of course and with this in mind, what is the first step you will take action on right now and what is that action specifically, that will put you on the path to achieving the purposeful goal you have in mind?
“Nobody knows what is going to happen with the rest of this day, much less the rest of their lives, optimism is key, optimism and enthusiasm to make every day a day to remember, a day to encourage somebody else to do something, that’s where joy comes from and joy is a great energizer.” Zig Ziglar
Enjoy
Andy

NLP Tip 62 NLP Core skills 5 Do some stuff

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Apr 14th, 2009 | No Comments
“Congruency plus ritual equals change” John Grinder

When it comes to the techniques of NLP there are many different ways to introduce choice into situations where there seemed like there was none.
There are techniques that employ your unconscious psycho geography, disassociation techniques, reframing, timelines and many more.  In fact, there are so many versions and developments of techniques these days it can seem difficult to find true authentic NLP techniques. This primarily is because when Bandler and Grinder started to create ‘models’ back in the 70’s and 80’s of excellent communicators and change agents B&G simply paid attention to what worked for these people and then created models such as the Meta model of language which opens up possibilities in thinking and action and the Milton model of language which took the patterns of hypnotic language of Milton H Erikson MD and made them into a package that can be taught to people quickly and easily. Of course not just the language patterns were born from these projects, a set of ideas about change in human beings took form and these pressupositions are just as important when making changes or developing the skills to master effective communication.
Over the last 30 ish years the principles found when practicing these foundation elements have produced the swish pattern, the fast phobia cure, time line, reframing, collapsing anchors and many many more.
Using the various techniques you can:
Overturn objections before they arise
Create compelling goals
Get agreement from more people
Find new perspectives on an old problem
Eliminate unwanted habits
Become 100% more likely to achieve the goal you have in mind
Overcome the feeling of hesitation
Easily influence those around you
Cure phobias and irrational fears
Remove long standing blocks
Get over the past
Live your desired future
Stop allergic reactions
Cut out procrastination
Connect with your sense of purpose
Increase your earning potential
Have better relationships
There are many applications and environments where the principles of NLP can and have been applied, a quick online search for books on NLP quickly makes clear the myriad applications in business, teaching, in fact almost any area of modern life has an application or NLP specialist. So what do you want to achieve?
Imagine being free from negative self talk, what areas of your life would be improved and how?
What’s it like when you connect with a feeling of being able to succeed in any situation? How does that change things to you and for you?
When you can let go of the past and yet learn the important lessons easily and with a sense of freedom, what else could you achieve?

Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 61 Structure and process

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Mar 25th, 2009 | No Comments

Content = Story
Process = Structure

Structure and process may initially seem like a section dedicated only to those who are working in a therapeutic or coaching fashion but in reality getting to grips with the way people structure their decisions can help turbo charge your life irrespective of the context.

Treat the problem/objection as a skill, often people have been told or are telling themselves that they shouldn’t be a certain way, or to be this way doesn’t make any sense, it’s just not logical or whatever and I’ve heard it said “what you resist persists, what you accept dissolves” and when you frame a problem as a skill it kind of leap frogs over the ‘problem state’ to look at it from another perspective. from this new perspective many new behaviors or ways of thinking are possible.

Often the conscious mind has a well rehearsed reason why it is the way it is or that xy&z are not required, so side stepping the content or reason is a fantastic way of getting an insight into a solution.

We’ll assume for the purposes of this tip that rapport has been established and maintained with a growing sense of ease with the person in front of you developing nicely.

Therapeutic/coaching;

“I can’t move on until I’ve set it at peace”

How are you able to not move on?
“Well it just doesn’t feel right when I think about it”
Ok, so what is the right feeling?…… as you think about it now?

What is it you’ve managed to not set at peace yet?
“I think about (looking up) my Mum and I feel like I can’t let go yet”
I get you, If you can let go of that now, how would it feel
“But I don’t want to let go, that would be scary”
I know it may seem scary at first but just as an experiment, how would it be if you did?

Business;
I just don’t know about buying this service/product/item
That’s good, you shouldn’t just jump straight into buying just any old service, so I’m curious to find out how you would know that this service is right for you?
“I’d see the benefits and know”
That makes sense to me, so as you picture all the benefits, how does this service fit with those?
“It might be a useful thing to get involved in….”
But?
“But, I’m not sure yet if it’s clicked into place”
Of course, unless this sounds like the right deal for you, how would you know, right?
“Bingo!”
ok, so when I show(v) you how this benefits you you’ll be happy(k) to use this service does that sound (a) fair (k)enough?

The important thing to pay attention to in language are the sensory words that people use, Visual Auditory Kinesthetic and to consider them as the links/structure that hold the problem or objection in place.
I highly recommend spending the day just paying attention to the sensory language people use and at first it is useful to just notice rather than trying to do anything with it, a few days from now if you’re paying attention you will begin to notice the sensory structure in language literally popping out at you and then may choose to begin applying what you’ve discovered here.

Using softeners such as “I’m curious” or “I wonder” when information gathering can really accelerate your ability to get to the root of the objection/problem because you not pushing people into answering you’re just curious so there’s nothing for them to resist. Tag questions such as “isn’t it”, “don’t you” or even a confirmational “right?” at the end of statements using the structure in their language can help you to calibrate and make sure you’re on the right path so to speak.
A general rule of thumb is, smiles and nods are signs you’re on course, silence, pulling grimaces or leaning back in the chair(away from you) are not.

As always play about with it, have fun and calibrate to your audience and find out how much sensory language you can notice and once that becomes natural become curious about the internal sensory structure you’re being shown and how that might help them and you come to better decisions in any context.

A very good list of sensory words and phrases can be found here at Power Secrets For Life
and any interaction is great for noticing the sensory structure, even reading articles is a great way to wire in the skills, go though magazines or newspapers and underline the sensory words and phrases, soon you will begin to notice patterns in many peoples communication.

What will you do to develop your ability to spot these secret clues today?

Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 60 – Rapport deepening and direction setting

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Mar 19th, 2009 | No Comments
“You cannot influence and be influenced” Christina Hall
You might remember last week some of the useful ideas or tips you found particularly impactful or maybe this is your first look at these tips, either way as you sit there reading through this tip you can relax and become curious about what will be most useful for you in the tip this week.
In the last tip I talked about pacing peoples current experience in order to build a greater sense of rapport and this week we’ll look at the next step -leading. When meeting people for any reason if you want to get more out of each interaction you can set the direction easily by pacing the current situation, acknowledging where and when you are is a great way of pacing and the process works best following his pattern. 1. Pace 2. Pace 3. Lead or put another way,
1. & 2. acknowledge current situation, 3. set a direction.
You’re sitting there, you’re reading this and you might like to become curious about the different situations where you can easily use these ideas in you day to day life.
for example you might open meetings by pacing the situation thus;
“So, we’re here in your office,(pace) it’s wednesday morning(pace) and your probably wondering how it is I can help you(lead)”
you can pace anything that is there in reality,
“It’s a beuatiful day, the sun is shining and I’m looking forward to helping you with…..”
“It’s nearly the weekend, were meeting today becuase I want to show you a way to spend less time worrying about…..”
“We spoke on the phone last thursday and I’m here today to help you with…..”
You can ramp up the responses by throwing some tag questions at the end of your statements, you can watch for head nods as repsonses and even give a little nod yourself to encourage your potential influencee.
Aren’t they, don’t they, doesn’t it, wont it, are all examples and you can probably already think of examples of these occuring natuarally and ways in which they might be useful, cant you?
“It can be challenging to manage a business of this size, cant it? You have staff to motivate, deadlines to meet and budgets to stick to for starters and so with that in mind I hoping that I can help you to …….”.
Tag questions are great little phrases that help you to deepen rapport by establishing agreement and once you become aware of them it’s actually be quite difficult not to use them isn’t it?
In therapeutic role you can pace and lead the situtation of your client,
“We spoke on monday about you coming to see me and you’re here now and so I’d like to know what it is that you’d like to acheive today?”
“Last week we met and at the end of the session you said you felt much better about … and we’re together again today so you can look forward to feeling even better about …”
“We’ve had a few sessions together now and some people find their objectives shift as time goes on so with that in mind what is your goal for today?”
I heard Richard Bandler say “the key is Pace Pace Lead and often people get bogged down in pacing and forget to lead” and with that in mind it is important to set a direction for yourself before you begin you can learn more about setting your own goal here http://www.andrewduffy.co.uk/?p=25 or remind yourself of the basic goal setting questions by reading on.
“Human beings are goal seeking” Jamie Smart
When I first started learning NLP I heard these two incredibly powerful questions, What do you want? and How will you know you have got it? and these are the foundations of building a well formed outcome and these questions are not just for setting directions with other people.  In fact one of the most powerful discoveries you can make is to realise at a deep level that when you ask yourself these questions in regard to a goal or outcome you may have such as to enjoy a party, to be more efficient or deal with particular people in a more effective way, you will establish for yourself a stronger outcome to move towards. By taking a little time to familiarise yourself with your own goal/outcome in more detail you will achieve more in your interactions than if you just go into those situations and ‘find out’ what happens, does that make sense?
Consider going for a job interview, a client meeting or another interaction:
What do you want? and How will you know you have it?

I want to know they are seriously considering me for the role

I want to know that they have got the messege that I want to share
What sensory evidence will you get that lets you know you are on track and moving in the right direction?
They will look relaxed and engaged in what I’m saying
I’ll see them smiling and they’ll be agreeing with me
What will you see hear and feel that tells you?
Smiling faces, signed contracts, words of agreement, laughter and I’ll feel really good about it.
Get clear over your outcomes for the day, the party or whatever and you’ll find yourself setting directions with other people with a greater sense of ease and comfort.
Some poeple mght say when it somes to setting goals and directions for yourself, “but that all seems like a lot of work” and I’m not going to tell you how easy it will become after only a few go’s because you will find that out for yourself.
Repitition is key to learning any new skill and so the only way to make these goals an automatic process is to practice them conciously a few times before it gets wired in and becomes part of your everyday skillset.
If you were to spend a few minutes considering the questions above each morning before you start you day proper, what do you think you could acheive?
Enjoy
Andy

NLP Tip 59 NLP Core Skills 2 Rapport

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Mar 10th, 2009 | No Comments

Rapport Rapport Rapport

Out internal processing directly affects the world we live in. Spend the day assuming people are ‘out to get you’ and you will process all available data in a way that sorts and filters all the incoming information to prove that to be the case. Fortunately when you assume that ‘people are always helpful’ the process works the same way.

You could think of rapport building as an attitude why not adopt a belief about rapport:
See Free NLP Tip 9 for more details
or try these on for a while,
Rapport is a naturally occurring phenomena that occurs whenever 2 or more people are together
I’m an nice guy/girl everybody wants to get in rapport with me
People like people who are like themselves

Rapport is the name we give to situations where you engage people with a feeling of comfort and a deepening level of trust.

Can you recall a situation where you’ve been with a friend and you noticed that you were both sitting the same way and when you changed your position they shifted their position so they matched yours? How about a time when you felt a sense of connection and as you go to shift your position they do it also? There is no rational mind reason for this occurring and often we have not paid attention to just how much of this goes on naturally and without effort until now of course as you will begin to notice more and more.

There are two main ways you can create and deepen the feeling of rapport
Matching and Mirroring
Pacing

Matching and mirroring is exactly how it sounds and you can Match and or Mirror many aspect of behavior,

Whole body matching goes like this, when you’re sitting down with someone you can sit the same way matching or you could imagine you’re looking into a mirror and sit accordingly. This also works standing up, we all have different ways of holding ourselves, we call it posture. Some people prefer to stand arms crossed, some behind their backs and others, well, just about anyway they feel comfortable and provided you feel comfortable ‘copying’ that stance or seating arrangement then do it, it’s all good. Here’s an important point, YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE in the position, if you don’t then do something else. There is no quicker way to destroy rapport than to attempt to put yourself into a position that feels uncomfortable the person you are engaging with will sense that you are uncomfortable and although they may not have a good ‘reason’ why you seemed ‘a little off’ they will respond all the same and you will have a tough time getting rapport from that point on. Once people think you’re ‘up to something they are much less likely to trust and go with you.

An easier way is to relax and when you notice particular gestures in conjunction with words that stand out for you, mirror those back to people, think of it a borrowing their gestures. Often gestures are linked to words or stories about things that have a particular meaning for the person and by noticing them and mirroring back you can establish and deepen rapport. Use phrases like
“So I can check, When you said…….” mirror/match the statement and gesture
“You mentioned…..” mirror/match the statement and gesture
You can consider these as pacing statements even though you’re only checking….
The trick with matching and mirroring is to notice when you are matching and be aware of the signs of rapport rather than rapport being something you do to people. Often when people are trying to get into rapport they are paying so much attention to what “they’re going to do next” that they miss the signs of natural rapport emerging.

Pacing is a term often used in different ways in different context’s you can pace language, body movements and even the experience of person in front of you all will help towards building or maintaining rapport. In a business context pacing is a really great way of overcoming critical filters, “I know you’re really busy so I wont take up any more time than absolutely nessercary to help you……”

There are different ways of building rapport and depending on the situation you’re in, you will use all or some or one of them.

When it comes to working with people as a therapist or coach you can imagine that there is a kind of unwritten contract which automatically produces some kind of rapport after all, they wouldn’t be there in front of you and paying their hard earned cash if they didn’t think there was something you could do for them. I know that sometimes sometimes you can encounter people who have had counseling or therapy before and seem like they’re there just to prove that what you know doesn’t work and that in and of itself is a kind of rapport, admittedly not a great one for instigating change but it is still a situation you can turn to your advantage thus;
“I know you’ve been to some therapy/coaching sessions before, and you haven’t found them particularly useful so far, right?…….and so I’m curious, what would you like to get from this session here with me today?”
By pacing the clients current situation you are beginning to build trust at an unconscious level, and a nice little presupposition ” so far ” pre supposes this time will be different. “There’s no point fighting reality – reality always wins…”

In business the idea of rapport and pacing and leading has been taught to many people in various industries and so is quite well known, it is possible that for the inexperienced practitioner a potential client may already be aware of the concepts of matching,mirroring and pacing. And so subtlety and ingenuity is required to overcome the critical filters in people. Remember that anything one person does can be matched even down to the way they walk, so walking from a reception to an office with someone is time to be used in establishing rapport ( See tip 33 for more details ). You can match their posture, pace rate, stride even their current experience with language, often before you get into the formal ‘place of business i.e their office you can gather a lot of information about their needs wants and desires in an informal way.

You:”How’s your day going?”
“Hectic, We’ve got all these orders and I’m trying to hold the team together while sorting out all this paperwork for XYZ…. there just isn’t enough hours in the day…..”
You: “Wow, that is hectic it must be tough to keep all those plates spinning!”
“Yeah, you’re not wrong, I have to……..”
When you get into the meeting proper you can use the spinning plates metaphor to help you show how your product or service can help by taking some of those plates away or making them automatic. By using their words while chatting in an informal manner you will begin to build the sense of trust required to open more doors for your business

TOP TIP !
First accept you are where you are and get into rapport with yourself.
Eh? surely we are already in rapport, we are after all in the same body so rapport must be there, right? Not in my experience. Many people are so busy telling themselves they’re not there yet that self rapport is impossible. Having a goal is great for setting a direction but if it used as a beating stick to constantly berate yourself then rapport is not there. This is called incongruence and is literally telegraphed to who ever you are with and in any situation. So accept yourself exactly as you are, centre yourself before you attempt to establish rapport with others, detach from outcome, however it turns out will be exactly that so relax and feel a sense of ease with yourself and you’ll build rapport faster and easier, effortlessly in fact with yourself and other people.

Next week we’ll be looking at setting useful directions in any interaction.

Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 58 Core Skills 1

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Mar 4th, 2009 | No Comments

“NLP is not therapy it’s education for your brain” Richard Bandler

Today I was having breakfast with a bunch of people and I was asked, “What’s all this NLP stuff then? Is it tree hugging?”
And the answer is no, NLP in and of itself is a bunch of learning’s and understandings about how we as human beings process, make meaning and interpret the world around us and by understanding these processes and applying techniques or ways of thinking we can develop ourselves and others. My focus within NLP has been to show people how they’re own processes are just that, processes and as with any process there are sequential elements to it. Often there is a therapeutic element/side effect of any NLP intervention and so the misunderstanding is reasonable.
Another reason why some people consider it therapy may be due to the fact that in it’s origins, excellent communicators and agents of change such as Milton H Erickson and Virginia Satir (and many others) were modeled* in order to find out what they were doing at an unconscious as well as conscious level. As Milton put it in this description about the amazing book known as Patterns 1,

“Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson, M.D. By Richard Bandler and John Grinder is a delightful simplification of the infinite complexities of the language I use with patients. In reading this book, I learned a great deal about the things that I’ve done without knowing about them” – Milton H Erickson M.D.
*NLP modeling is the name of the process used to learn how people do what they do at an unconscious as well as conscious level, this methodology includes a set of beliefs called presuppositions, pre supposing statements or ideas that assist in the successful replication of one persons behavior. This ‘model’ or system has been applied to many areas since the 1970’s from business, communication, parenting skills and therapeutic settings in fact anything that someone excels can be modeled and taught to someone else and here is where the real skill is, creating a ‘model’ that is transferable/teachable to any human being.

Hence we have top sales, negation, managing and communication skills (and a whole bunch more) specialists within the NLP community, but at it’s core is the modeling ability, Whatever one human being can do it can be modeled and taught to someone else. In the case of Olympic athletes there is a bunch of physical skills and refinements that can take time to acquire and using the modeling process you can reduce the time to learn a skill significantly, and that’s the key.
Of course many people who learn NLP are or do become therapists of various flavors and use NLP as a ‘bolt on’ to an existing or developing skill set.

When it comes to working in a therapeutic context often the ‘process’ of how someone is able to have an undesired behavior once made explicit can have massive effects in changing future behavior patterns – You can’t know what you don’t know yet, you can become curious about how you manage to keep a problem in place.

Questions like, ” How do you know when to have X” can be useful in determining a trigger for a behavior, “What’s the first thing that lets you know you’re ……”
For different people and different behaviors the start point is likely to be different.
“I just say to myself…..”
“I get this feeling…..”
“I see myself …….”
“I know that they will….”
Are all typical of the responses to these two questions and tell the experienced practitioner much about the internal processing  that is going on, once the process has been uncovered fully for example,

“I imagine people all looking at me and I say to myself, ‘this wont work, I’ll look silly’ and I get the feeling that lets me know it’s going to turn out bad”
In NLP terms the following structure would be given the statement above,
Internal Visual, Internal Auditory, Internal Kinesthetic.
and by asking the right type of questions or using a techniques the internal V A K pattern can be interrupted or even broken or reformulated. If the pattern can’t run the way it used to then a new behavior will replace it, what new behavior I hear you cry!  That is why the well formed out comes questions are so important so an overall structure for change is:

1. Establish and maintain rapport
2. Set a direction, define desired outcome
3. Uncover the process/structure of behavior to be changed/modified or adopted
4. Do some stuff ! (that’s the technical term for technique)
5. ‘Test’ new behavior and repeat until desired outcome is achieved

With that in mind, this process will be broken down into chunks over the next 5 weeks and I’ll be looking at ways in which you can apply the process to any area of life, want to develop a new skill or behavior?

What might that be?
Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 57 NLP, Mind Magic ?

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Feb 23rd, 2009 | No Comments
Arthur C Clarkes
3rd Law : Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
And the fact is when people first see hear and feel NLP in action they often have a sense of the magical and why not?
There are still people in the world that believe that in order to clear a phobia they have to go through months if not years of counselling, confront their demons etc. When in fact the problem is not that there is a problem in reality, reality works fine as it is, the problem is in the internal processing that occurs around a specific stimulus.
We are all veracious learning machines, you cannot not learn in fact so it’s hardly surprising that many people develop phobias to things they’ve never even come into contact with. In the 1970’s Stephen Spielberg inadvertently created  many phobias (and many since incidentally) with a particular film about a very hungry fish. As a result of that film there are still people who wont swim in the sea. A phobic response is designed to keep you safe, it’s known as a single trial learning, something happens once with a massive emotional charge and the mind generalises the response to future events and so people take action to avoid having that feeling again-ever. So in the case of Mr Spielberg’s fish, people in a heightened state of awareness (immersed in the film) saw huge pictures with loud noises of something really scary, the people watching it, on some level got the message to ’stay away from the water - danger!’.
See now here’s the thing, the unconscious cannot tell the difference between a real memory and a vividly imagine one and the big fish was very vivid for many people. Even though the phobic response is illogical it still has the ability to work, your unconscious doesn’t use logic to problem solve that is the job of the conscious mind, it works second by second based on experience to keep you safe, well and functioning as a human being. The unconscious does not communicate with language, it uses the  senses, Sight, Sound, Feelings, Smells and Taste to communicate safety or not safety, and these internal processes once you become aware of them can easily be changed or modified sometimes with seemingly miraculous results.
This is how people confuse Magic with natural human processes, often the fact that something (in some cases) so debilitating and in place for so long changes in a matter of minutes rather than months can feel magical.
So if you were to change how you think about something that may have held you back, what might it be?
And, this may seem like an unusual question but, If you woke tomorrow and a miracle had occurred and you can behave or feel the way you want to, How would you know?

NLP Tip 56 Power Questions

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Feb 13th, 2009 | No Comments
NLP has some amazing tools and techniques to   use in a variety of ways and some of the most powerful are the simplest to practice.
Take these two questions,

What do you want?
&
How will you know you’ve got it, what will you see hear and feel that lets you know?

You can ask these questions of others to gather information or, you can ask yourself these questions if you’re stuck or have a goal you’d like to achieve or an outcome you’re not yet getting a grip of.
What do I want from this phone call/meeting/client session/evening/night out?
How will I know I’m getting it? What will I see hear and feel that lets me know?
and the glorious Christina Hall one of my trainers in NLP has a beautifully worded 2nd step to this, (I and you are interchangable)
What do I want?
How will I know, looking back having already achieved this? What do I see, hear and feel that confirms I have it?
These questions are brilliant for uncovering previously hidden information and, in and of themselves can begin to shift perceptions that may have held people back in the past.

There are versions of questions that seem to work better for some people depending on what they’re outcomes are.

“What’s important to you in a X”
What’s important to you in an auto electrician?
What’s important to you in a software package?
What’s important to you in choosing NLP training?

The answers you get will be the ‘buying criteria’ for the person you’re talking to (even if you’re not selling!),  quality, reliability, or whatever their values disctate.  Of course you have to deliver but closing the deal (or however you phrase it) may seem easier with the information you gather with this and similar questions.

How might you apply or even reapply these ideas of language in ways that support you?

Have fun with these and other language patterns

Enjoy
Andy

February Lincoln NLP Practice group Review

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Feb 13th, 2009 | No Comments

Review:

Hi
Another great evening with great people.

I began the group by talking about how we as human being don’t experience reality directly, the information ‘out there’ is received by our senses, Sight (Visual), Sound (Auditory), Touch (Kinesthetic), Smell (Olfactory) and Taste (Gustatory) and we talked about the processes of Deletion Distortion and Generalisation. We also looked at the idea that there are no problems in reality, reality works fine so the only problem is the idea of a problem.

I asked the first two questions when looking to elicit a ‘well formed outcome’ and we all discovered how much information can be gained with two simple yet powerful questions, I made the statement “with a well formed outcome you’re halfway there”. Everyone contributed with a goal for the evening, including me! We looked at the importance of going for what we do WANT – don’t think of a purple hippo! and how language isn’t interpreted in the body the same as ‘linguistically’.

John Grinder, co-developer of NLP says that there are 3 barriers to mastery of any skill, the second is an over reliance on internal dialogue, so we discovered ways to turn it off. Thanks to the group, and a special mention to Melinda for the Maltesa Methodtm we found several new ways to achieve ‘internal dialogue quiet’. The group reported an increased awareness of sight and sound, so well done everyone! I highly recommend becoming familiar with a quiet mind at least twice a day, long enough to let the dust settle at least, this is part of a winners script, In my opinion. We discussed the NLP presupposition of ‘No failure only feedback’. We looked at changing the tone of internal dialogue when it’s not being 100% useful to something a little silly and the direct effect it has.

Then something really cool happened June suggested anchoring the state and so we also practiced setting a self anchor (thumb and finger), getting clean states is key and we found some ‘random’ questions to ensure clean states and then firing the working anchor.
The more you practice with these things the easier it gets, and fairly quickly it becomes automatic.
We talked about transferring the Kinesthetic Anchor to an internal ‘power’ word and how with a little practice this becomes easier to achieve. I talked through the process and suggested that confidence is as much to do with the physical stance and breathing for a person as what they’re doing ‘inside’ – NLP presupposition: Mind and Body are one System.

Any state can be anchored in the way we did it and the anchor can be fired whenever you want a boost of confidence, calm or whatever you desire, practice makes…..

I closed by quoting Robert Anton Wilson ” You want to get good at something do it every day……….”

Advanced

As the group has a diverse range of NLP experience levels some of you may be interested in what else I was doing and some of the areas you can find yourself noticing your ability increasing in.

Set frames for evening
Group pacing and leading through universal pacing statements
Elicited group outcomes for the night, goal setting – well formed outcomes

Calibration/feedback/Rapport building:
Whole body matching/mirroring, used key words to uncover more information
Tracked eye accessing cues and unconscious signals in responses
Accessed states through questions and amplified ‘good’ ones
Attention on representational language predicated

NLP Methodologies practiced, made explicit:
Quiet Inside
Self Anchoring

NLP Methodologies practiced:
Group and individual rapport building
Milton model of language
Meta model of language
Auditory anchoring
Spatial anchoring
Behavioral flexibility – multiple strategies to achieve different results.
Future pacing

Wrap up:
Robert Anton Wilson Quote

Other news:

More news a couple of things before I go, The group website www.lincolnnlp.co.uk now has a forum so please feel free to leave comments or suggestions for future practice groups and,

for those who would like to understand the background processes better I thought I’d let you know about the NLP foundation course in Lincoln in a couple of weeks. This is more of a how to weekend than last nights practice group 21-22nd Feb’ with the NLP experience, you don’t need to know any NLP to take on this basic’s module and there is no requirement to complete practitioner.  It will have a bunch of techniques you can use like the ones we discovered in a short time last night only more so, it will also uncover how we process information and how to use those processes ‘consciously to help you achieve more. www.thenlpexperience.co.uk click on NLP basics. There is a special deal available (£147) and if you have any questions please feel free to contact me.
Finally, If you know anyone who can help with a donate a phobia charity day please check this out click here

for details.

Free NLP Tip 55 Power words 2

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Feb 6th, 2009 | No Comments
“Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.”
What would you do if you knew it was ok to fail?
“No no no, If I fail it means I’ll lose my job, lose my house, lose my mind!”  I hear you cry and there may be times when that may be the case but not for most of the things people put off – really.
Consider this. How many things have you put off, avoided or buried your head in the sand over because of a fear of failure?
What might you have learned?
What could you have become better at?
What else could you learn from the idea that failure is an idea that is flexible.
C’mon Andy now you’re just not making sense……
It seems to me that your idea of failure is a subjective one i.e. your own perspective of failure or success.
I recently started to learn Aikido and as I become proficient with the terminology, attitude, stances and movements, I fully engage in the process of discovering how physically flexible I can be, I could hold myself back by being afraid to fail at a particular move, or process.  But I choose to go for it and find out what works and what doesn’t, what works comes through repetition and what doesn’t is apparent fairly quickly!  I’ve always lived by the motto that choosing the freedom to make mistakes gives a real boost when learning new skills.
The chances are that whatever you do and at whatever level, one person might think, “I wish I could do that” and someone else will be thinking, “I remember when I first learned to do that”. Which gets us where?
Ever met a needy salesman? People have built in neediness detectors – even you, and when you know someone needs you to be a certain way or buy a certain product, it sparks in most people what (in NLP terms) is know as a polarity response, I kind of mental WHOA THERE HORSEY!
Check your own experience,  it feels very different when there are no requirements of you but people are happy to tell you about a product, idea or concept, right?
This works in the same way with our own internal processing, If we need something to turn out a certain way in order to be ’success’ then we’re applying additional pressure on ourself and the chances are you’ll develop a ‘reason’ for not trying.
What ever it is, it will or wont turn out however it does or does not, and so you may as well give it a go with all of your worth.  If it doesn’t get the exact result you want you’ll find out soon enough and then you will have learned something new.   Doing it without a fear of failure sets you free to learn much more than just win or lose.
“You cannot not learn” and every interaction teaches, reinforces or weakens ideas about what is possible or achievable for you.
What could you achieve if you adopted the attitude (even for a short time) of  ‘given a choice’  to try it out with the whole of your being, knowing that what ever the results are you will ok, safe and well?
Enjoy

Andy

NLP Tip 54 Power Words 1

Posted by Andy Duffy in Andy Duffy on Jan 29th, 2009 | No Comments

If a picture paints a thousand words – Words paint thousands of pictures.

The movie: Jim Morrison

“The movie will begin in five moments
The mindless voice announced
All those unseated will await the next show.
We filed slowly, languidly into the hall
The auditorium was vast and silent
As we seated and were darkened,
the voice continued.
The program for this evening is not new
You’ve seen this entertainment
through and through
You’ve seen your birth your life and death
you might recall all of the rest
Did you have a good world when you died?
Enough to base a movie on?”

If a picture paints a thousand words – Words paint thousands of pictures.
Imagine, just for a moment or two (or more!), imagine that you are living your perfect life. How would you know?
Remember a past  situation that usually left you feeling a little less than 100% and, now Imagine how you might be in that situation feeling a deep sense of confidence, or maybe veraciousness  how is it different?

How much brighter could you shine?

Imagine a time in the future having made progress in so many areas of your life, looking back to now, what was the first thing you put into action?

Imagine connecting with a deep sense of purpose and that purpose driving you towards the life you deserve, feels good doesn’t it? Of course that fact you’re reading this and able to make sense of the words means that on some level you are already capable of far far more than you think you are, and everything that exists in the world, cars, phones, TV’s were just imaginings once.

“No-one does anything until they’ve at least thought of it”

So If you were to imagine feeling fantastic, how would that be? If you were to imagine connecting with that part of you that (maybe secretly) knows you are amazing, what could you achieve?

Enjoy

Andy

« Previous Entries