Content = Story
Process = Structure
Structure and process may initially seem like a section dedicated only to those who are working in a therapeutic or coaching fashion but in reality getting to grips with the way people structure their decisions can help turbo charge your life irrespective of the context.
Treat the problem/objection as a skill, often people have been told or are telling themselves that they shouldn’t be a certain way, or to be this way doesn’t make any sense, it’s just not logical or whatever and I’ve heard it said “what you resist persists, what you accept dissolves” and when you frame a problem as a skill it kind of leap frogs over the ‘problem state’ to look at it from another perspective. from this new perspective many new behaviors or ways of thinking are possible.
Often the conscious mind has a well rehearsed reason why it is the way it is or that xy&z are not required, so side stepping the content or reason is a fantastic way of getting an insight into a solution.
We’ll assume for the purposes of this tip that rapport has been established and maintained with a growing sense of ease with the person in front of you developing nicely.
Therapeutic/coaching;
“I can’t move on until I’ve set it at peace”
How are you able to not move on?
“Well it just doesn’t feel right when I think about it”
Ok, so what is the right feeling?…… as you think about it now?
What is it you’ve managed to not set at peace yet?
“I think about (looking up) my Mum and I feel like I can’t let go yet”
I get you, If you can let go of that now, how would it feel
“But I don’t want to let go, that would be scary”
I know it may seem scary at first but just as an experiment, how would it be if you did?
Business;
I just don’t know about buying this service/product/item
That’s good, you shouldn’t just jump straight into buying just any old service, so I’m curious to find out how you would know that this service is right for you?
“I’d see the benefits and know”
That makes sense to me, so as you picture all the benefits, how does this service fit with those?
“It might be a useful thing to get involved in….”
But?
“But, I’m not sure yet if it’s clicked into place”
Of course, unless this sounds like the right deal for you, how would you know, right?
“Bingo!”
ok, so when I show(v) you how this benefits you you’ll be happy(k) to use this service does that sound (a) fair (k)enough?
The important thing to pay attention to in language are the sensory words that people use, Visual Auditory Kinesthetic and to consider them as the links/structure that hold the problem or objection in place.
I highly recommend spending the day just paying attention to the sensory language people use and at first it is useful to just notice rather than trying to do anything with it, a few days from now if you’re paying attention you will begin to notice the sensory structure in language literally popping out at you and then may choose to begin applying what you’ve discovered here.
Using softeners such as “I’m curious” or “I wonder” when information gathering can really accelerate your ability to get to the root of the objection/problem because you not pushing people into answering you’re just curious so there’s nothing for them to resist. Tag questions such as “isn’t it”, “don’t you” or even a confirmational “right?” at the end of statements using the structure in their language can help you to calibrate and make sure you’re on the right path so to speak.
A general rule of thumb is, smiles and nods are signs you’re on course, silence, pulling grimaces or leaning back in the chair(away from you) are not.
As always play about with it, have fun and calibrate to your audience and find out how much sensory language you can notice and once that becomes natural become curious about the internal sensory structure you’re being shown and how that might help them and you come to better decisions in any context.
A very good list of sensory words and phrases can be found here at Power Secrets For Life
and any interaction is great for noticing the sensory structure, even reading articles is a great way to wire in the skills, go though magazines or newspapers and underline the sensory words and phrases, soon you will begin to notice patterns in many peoples communication.
What will you do to develop your ability to spot these secret clues today?
Enjoy
Andy
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