“You cannot influence and be influenced” Christina Hall
You might remember last week some of the useful ideas or tips you found particularly impactful or maybe this is your first look at these tips, either way as you sit there reading through this tip you can relax and become curious about what will be most useful for you in the tip this week.
In the last tip I talked about pacing peoples current experience in order to build a greater sense of rapport and this week we’ll look at the next step -leading. When meeting people for any reason if you want to get more out of each interaction you can set the direction easily by pacing the current situation, acknowledging where and when you are is a great way of pacing and the process works best following his pattern. 1. Pace 2. Pace 3. Lead or put another way,
1. & 2. acknowledge current situation, 3. set a direction.
You’re sitting there, you’re reading this and you might like to become curious about the different situations where you can easily use these ideas in you day to day life.
for example you might open meetings by pacing the situation thus;
“So, we’re here in your office,(pace) it’s wednesday morning(pace) and your probably wondering how it is I can help you(lead)”
you can pace anything that is there in reality,
“It’s a beuatiful day, the sun is shining and I’m looking forward to helping you with…..”
“It’s nearly the weekend, were meeting today becuase I want to show you a way to spend less time worrying about…..”
“We spoke on the phone last thursday and I’m here today to help you with…..”
You can ramp up the responses by throwing some tag questions at the end of your statements, you can watch for head nods as repsonses and even give a little nod yourself to encourage your potential influencee.
Aren’t they, don’t they, doesn’t it, wont it, are all examples and you can probably already think of examples of these occuring natuarally and ways in which they might be useful, cant you?
“It can be challenging to manage a business of this size, cant it? You have staff to motivate, deadlines to meet and budgets to stick to for starters and so with that in mind I hoping that I can help you to …….”.
Tag questions are great little phrases that help you to deepen rapport by establishing agreement and once you become aware of them it’s actually be quite difficult not to use them isn’t it?
In therapeutic role you can pace and lead the situtation of your client,
“We spoke on monday about you coming to see me and you’re here now and so I’d like to know what it is that you’d like to acheive today?”
“Last week we met and at the end of the session you said you felt much better about … and we’re together again today so you can look forward to feeling even better about …”
“We’ve had a few sessions together now and some people find their objectives shift as time goes on so with that in mind what is your goal for today?”
I heard Richard Bandler say “the key is Pace Pace Lead and often people get bogged down in pacing and forget to lead” and with that in mind it is important to set a direction for yourself before you begin you can learn more about setting your own goal here http://www.andrewduffy.co.uk/?p=25 or remind yourself of the basic goal setting questions by reading on.
“Human beings are goal seeking” Jamie Smart
When I first started learning NLP I heard these two incredibly powerful questions, What do you want? and How will you know you have got it? and these are the foundations of building a well formed outcome and these questions are not just for setting directions with other people. In fact one of the most powerful discoveries you can make is to realise at a deep level that when you ask yourself these questions in regard to a goal or outcome you may have such as to enjoy a party, to be more efficient or deal with particular people in a more effective way, you will establish for yourself a stronger outcome to move towards. By taking a little time to familiarise yourself with your own goal/outcome in more detail you will achieve more in your interactions than if you just go into those situations and ‘find out’ what happens, does that make sense?
Consider going for a job interview, a client meeting or another interaction:
What do you want? and How will you know you have it?
I want to know they are seriously considering me for the role
I want to know that they have got the messege that I want to share
What sensory evidence will you get that lets you know you are on track and moving in the right direction?
They will look relaxed and engaged in what I’m saying
I’ll see them smiling and they’ll be agreeing with me
What will you see hear and feel that tells you?
Smiling faces, signed contracts, words of agreement, laughter and I’ll feel really good about it.
Get clear over your outcomes for the day, the party or whatever and you’ll find yourself setting directions with other people with a greater sense of ease and comfort.
Some poeple mght say when it somes to setting goals and directions for yourself, “but that all seems like a lot of work” and I’m not going to tell you how easy it will become after only a few go’s because you will find that out for yourself.
Repitition is key to learning any new skill and so the only way to make these goals an automatic process is to practice them conciously a few times before it gets wired in and becomes part of your everyday skillset.
If you were to spend a few minutes considering the questions above each morning before you start you day proper, what do you think you could acheive?
Enjoy
Andy
